I caught you telling women you had a big dick!

Hello, Horny Readers! Not every man with a small penis arouses My ire. For some, I feel compassion. Some get a dose of My good-natured teasing. Some experience My derision. But none of those reactions mean I’m angry with him, or his little pindick. There are some under-endowed men, however, who piss Me off. Those who don’t know their place piss Me off. Those who continue to lie by omission, earn My wrath.

Worst of all, however, are those who not only combine these misdeeds, but blatantly use guilt and pity to get pussy. They realize that women are still pressured by society to be nurturers and protectors of the male ego. They use this knowledge to their advantage. They either guilt women who acknowledge their small cocks into sex, or blithely pretend that nothing is amiss, leaving it up to her to either bring up the miniature elephant in the room, or fuck it just so that she won’t appear shallow.

“Well Miss Rachel, I have a pindick. How do I know whether or not I’ve committed any of the above sins?”

Good question, and you at least get points for asking. Let’s take them one by one:

1.)  Those who don’t know their place: These are “men” sporting 6 inches or less who insist that their cock is plenty to satisfy any woman, and that they’ve “never heard any complaints”. Sure, there are women who are indifferent to intercourse, and if you don’t particularly care one way or another about something, it doesn’t matter if there’s too little of it, too much of it, or just enough. Other than in the rare case of such a woman however, it’s simply willful ignorance to maintain that less than six inches is what most women long for and find “more than adequate”.

If your face is red right now, I may have just described you. As stubborn as your mind might be, the body tends to tell the truth.

2.) Those who lie by omission: A lie is a deliberate falsehood. When you present yourself to a woman as a whole man, you are stating that among other good qualities, you are able to satisfy her sexually. Men who lie by omission know deep down (or even closer to the surface) that their cocks are small, and they don’t disclose this information to the women they date.

I personally feel that you should disclose that you have a pindick with as much haste as you would that you have an STD–certainly well before the two of you are going to get naked. I’ve spoken to way too many men who admit to putting off heavy sexual contact, even over the clothes, until the woman is on the hook–she’s caught at least some feelings, and would have to struggle to find a plausible excuse to blow them off, because everything else has been ideal.

Sound familiar, pindick?

“So how do we get to worst of all status?”

Well, you take the above, and paste it together with a big dose of guilt trip. You stubbornly insist that your man clit is “not that small”. You talk some crap about how it’s not your penis that’s small, but that every woman you’ve ever managed to bamboozle into bed had a loose pussy. You recite like a mantra that it’s “not the size of the ship but the motion in the ocean”, when no one believes that, not even you. If a woman acknowledges early on that she is a size queen and has both the courage and the foresight to ask for measurements, you might provide them, but start the measuring tape from underneath your balls, or damn near, and then if confronted, feign ignorance.

And if that doesn’t work?

Here comes the pity party.

“Oh woe is me. I’m so lonely. I just want to be inside of a woman, just once (even though you’ve tried this shtick a number of times and left a stream of dissatisfied and traumatized women in your wake). I get rejected so much, and all because of My stupid small penis!  Boo hoo.”

And the guilt trip.

“Wow, and the feminists are always complaining about body shaming! Well aren’t you shaming ME? Rejecting me outright without even giving me a chance?”

Pathetic.

“Just give me a handjob and I’ll go.”

Readers, I wish I was clairvoyant, and also had the ability to teleport, so that I could know when these scenes were playing out all over the land, get there, and crash through a window armed with a ruler for some cbt, a chastity device, and a pair of frilly panties.

It’s okay to have a pindick, but it’s not okay to knowingly and purposely inflict it on unsuspecting women. Even if you’ve been guilty in the past, you probably need some punishment to tip the scales of the erotic universe back into balance. And that’s why I’m here. So if the above sounds familiar, confess, do your penance, and then W/e can discuss what kind of pussy-free sex life is appropriate for you.