Hello Horny Readers!
You know, many of the boys I speak to who are curious about cock come to me claiming to fantasize mostly about transgendered women who still have their penises intact. Â This is as opposed to full on, Alpha Male stud cocks like the one attached to my darling boyfriend, who is rubbing his quickly hardening 9.5 inches between my shoulderblades as we speak. The colloquial term for these ladies is “transgender”–certainly less pejorative than “transgender”, but still a term that isn’t free from debate as to whether or not it is appropriate. Â Many transgendered women, particularly those who are involved in adult entertainment, seem to have become comfortable with both these terms, either by necessity, or by reclaiming the words as so many other members of marginalized groups have reclaimed terms that have been used to degrade.
I must confess, however, that everytime I hear one of those terms, I have a visceral reaction.  A negative one.  Even in the context of kinky phone sex play.
Because I realize that most men who use those terms when describing their fantasies don’t mean any harm, I generally don’t say anything about it. Â Further, knowing that they likely learned the term from the porn they watch mitigates the effect of hearing it. Â After all, who am I to tell a woman in whatever stage of her transformation what she should call herself, or be okay with being called?
Just the same, it is a strong part of my convictions outside of phone play to desire to see a society that offers women who are transgendered support and acceptance rather than the “othering”, violence, and condemnation they currently face in huge numbers.  I just don’t think we yet live in a society where  people who are transgender are empowered enough that the use of terms that are still weaponized to ostracise and humiliate them is appropriate for anyone other than themselves.
I know that most boys probably come to my blog to be entertained and titilated, and I love to write about all the kinky, slutty things that make us all tick, but I also know that there are boys out there who think deeply (when the blood flow is diverted from their little head to the big one) and care deeply about the world we live in. Â I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter, if you care to share.
Thanks for reading!
There are many terms I use at times with my Mistress that I would never even think of at any other time, ma’am. I have a need to be humiliated and verbal humiliation is something that really satisfies that. When I hear some of those things at other times I feel disgusted. There are so many contradictions in D/s play. 🙂
I agree, Little Pet. And as I was writing this post, I was thinking about other terms that I do use in D/s play that could similarly be thought of as offensive in the minds of some people, but that don’t bother me. I guess perhaps it comes down to my own biases, as well as my politics. I consider T-girls (incidentally, a term that, although some might call it inaccurate, doesn’t bother me in the same way as “shemale” or “tranny”–it strikes me as more cute, sexy, and affectionate than pejorative) to be women who just happen to have penises, and women are the superior gender, so should always be treated and spoken of with respect.
If a T-girl who considered herself submissive called me and wanted a session, I would likely decline, not only because I am only situationally bisexual (I love getting sexy with my fellow Mistresses as a tease of a submissive male), but because I consider her a woman, and would not be able to interface sexually with another woman when she is taking a submissive position.
i am transgendered and although i haven’t transitioned (yet anyways), I understand that most T-girls are offended by “she-male”, However even we T-girls can have fetishes, and i still enjoy being submissive and i still enjoy humiliation in the bedroom and don’t think that is inconsistent. in fact part of what has helped me really come to terms with my identity is the exploration that i got via this sort of play over many years.
Hi Rexxi!
Thanks for coming to my blog, and point well-taken. I probably should have written more about the fact that sexual kinks, like sexuality, are completely separate from gender, and it could be equally as problematic to put a transwoman on the type of pedestal that portrays her as a downtrodden victim in need of protection, and deny her the right as everyone else has, to include her transition and/or gender identity in her play. I didn’t mean to do that.
And just like gay people, and cis women, and people of color can sometimes be into being humiliated for their sexual orientation, gender, or race (I do understand how working through humiliation in the context of sexual fetish can help one gain the strength to confront insecurities, as well as simply being arousing to some people), I can understand that a T-girl who is submissive would also.
Very interesting post Rachel. As we have discussed over on EE, I am pretty sensitive to the public use of other terms. I hadn’t thought of this one, and I confess, I’m not really sure what the proper, non-offensive terms are. That being said, I think there is a big difference between what two consenting adults say to each other in the privacy of a phone call, where as far as I’m concerned it’s fine, and on public blogs, where it’s not. That’s where I side with you and say people ought to think about the terms they’re using and why. If they want to call names or be called names in a private call, more power to them. But not here. You never know what other people you are going to offend and there is no reason anyone has to use those terms. Thank you for writing this; I don’t feel quite so alone in the issue.
Hi bfla! Thanks for taking the time to read my post, and to comment. I agree with you that what is said in the privacy of a session or personal E-mails between client and Mistress is between the two of them (as long as it’s within the LDW TOS), and I take liberal advantage of that. And I don’t claim it’s logical necessarily, it’s just that some words, whether in private or in public, are distasteful to me. I don’t mean to suggest that others should feel how I feel, and not trying to shame anyone (not at all suggesting that you are), I’d just like the thinking people among my playmates to, well, give it some thought. And it seems like you have, well before I wrote the post. You’re a pretty great person, from what I can see.
Thanks again!
Rachel thank you! What a nice thing to say! For me too there are certain things I would never say but that doesn’t mean it is wrong to say them ever. I am sure there are things I say others wouldn’t. I don’t know that I would call myself a great person; I do know I think about these things and that is really the goal, isn’t it? There are some awfully great people here, including some of your colleagues, who I have discussed this with and who feel differently. Thank you again for your very kind words. You touched me.
My pleasure. And thanks, once again, for taking the time to visit!