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MistressI try not to judge the kinks of others; Someone, somewhere likely thinks the things that turn Me on are disordered or unhealthy, and that could be said for just about anyone.  But, in keeping with the recent trend of things I’m exposed to on social media causing Me to think about issues I’d previously been content to ignore, I’m afraid I’ve come across a kink I just can’t abide:  “domination” that consists solely and only of draining the wallet of a submissive by a “Mistress”.

Maybe I just don’t understand it.  I know some of these ladies give things as incentives or offer things as rewards for those who are generous with them.  I understand the allure of humiliation, and even degradation for some submissives, and I suppose I can see that a seemingly unobtainable woman who is literally telling you the only worth you have to her is your money is offering that sort of degradation in a very real way.  But from what I’ve seen, there are women out there who don’t give anything but an outstretched palm or a shopping list, with no concern whatsoever for the well-being of the slave from whom they collect.  I find this extremely distasteful.  Some may say that if there weren’t boys who got off on just this kind of exploitation, those women would not be proliferating as they are.  In this post, I guess I’m trying to get to the bottom of why I dislike this kink so much, even keeping that in mind.

A Mistress should care about the well-being of Her submissive.

I get it.  There are boys out there who really are turned on by the thought of simply forking over money, on command, to a woman who may once in a while post a semi-nude photo, or even a photo of herself giving them the finger (seriously–I’ve seen a lot of these).  But not everything that feels good is good.  You’d like to think that those who engage in this kind of financial exploitation are aware, on some level, that it’s just a game, and that they’ve set forth in their own mind just how much discretionary income they can spend on it, no matter how much hardship they pretend it puts them under in the face of their “princess”.  But fantasy play, for some, can be just as addicting as gambling or hard drugs, and there’s a point at which an ethical person should at least question whether or not they are facilitating illness in another person.  You can’t depend on someone who is disordered psychologically by addiction to tell you the truth about the fact that they are disordered, so I believe it’s incumbent upon the dominant to assure that kink ethics are observed.

The relationship between a Mistress and Her submissive should be an exchange.

I guess I don’t understand what piggybanks get out of the relationship.  It’s different when the lady mistressinvolved is kind of like a sugar baby, who gives verbal affection and attention and company, and is lavished with gifts ostensibly out of pure gratitude and care.  That doesn’t appeal to Me either, but at least I can understand it.  And I realize humiliation and degradation are something many submissives crave, but to do so simply by saying “gimme”, and maybe a picture of yourself in panties is kind of low effort, in My opinion.  Maybe it’s like the once-in-a-blue-moon playmate I get who gets off on being ignored, who would love it if I would simply put the phone down when he called and go about My business, letting the charges rack up.  The theory is that he can simply hang up when he’s gotten enough disregard.  But to tell you the truth, I’m grateful for the rarity of such requests, not only because it’s boring for Me, but because it just doesn’t feel right.  If I’m going to degrade you, I prefer to do so actively.  *giggle*  The point is, I need there to be some kind of exchange–certainly power exchange, but also, for lack of a better term, an equal exchange of investment and effort.

I’m defensive of the identity of Mistress.

I guess not all of the ladies with the outstretched palms call themselves Mistress, but some of them do, and that also rankles.  Not many people know this, but after college I became a certified professional massage therapist, and I feel similarly about the protection of that identity as I do about the identity of Mistress.  There are women who know how to perform massage techniques, and they’ll also jerk you off at the end.  Some will even blow you or finger your asshole.  I hate it when these women are called massage therapists, because in My mind, they’re not.  No disrespect intended to working girls, but these women are prostitutes in My mind, not massage therapists.

It’s the same with the title Mistress.  I think it requires more than having a nice body and a rude vocabulary that you can use to get men to give you things.

Meanwhile, when someone in My Twitter feed shares something from one of these women, I find Myself blocking the woman, not necessarily the share-er.  I suppose if there are guys out there who have more money than they know what to do with, they can afford to play this dangerous game, and indulge themselves in the thrills associated with it.  But it makes Me anxious, and it’s depressing.  Just like I tell those who might not agree with some of the things that turn Me on or get Me off, you have the option of averting your eyes and avoiding participation, so that’s what I choose to do Myself.

Feel free to share in the comments section if you have an opposing view, or anything else to share!