Is your wife open to your submissive nature, but not sure how to indulge you? Not sure if she’s open, but think she could be? If you answered “yes” to either question, you may have a dominant wife in the making!

We all know there are women who will never break out of the socially-ingrained role of the submissive. But some just need the right encouragement.

I’ve got some suggestions for planting seeds that might grow into a full-fledged D/s dynamic. Other suggestions may prepare the soil where such seeds might flourish.

We’re all spending a lot more time at home these days. For some of you, that means a lot more time with your partner. Familiarity can breed contempt, but it can also be an opportunity to get know each other in a new and deeper way!

Maybe change your thinking. Maybe change your behavior. And if this opens her up to ascending the throne, there’s a suggestion or two that won’t tax a neophyte too much, but will definitely put you in your place!

Change the way you think.

First of all, you need to start from the realization that every woman is a Goddess, and therefore, your superior. I am your Mistress, yes, but goddess-hood is spiritual. It dwells in all of Us known as “woman”. Your wife is the vessel of the divine feminine in your home, and therefore is entitled to Goddess worship. Though you get to have safe and sane (subjective, I know) boundaries, you must ask yourself: who are you to question the will or criticize the moods of the Goddess?

I know some of you are thinking, “Well Mistress Rachel, your beauty is what inspires My devotion. My wife doesn’t look like you.”

Subbie, I don’t care if your wife is 400 pounds and bald. All women are superior to you. In fact, if your wife weighs 400 pounds, maybe a good facesitting session is in order, to remind you.

Now then, rather than get your panties in a bunch if your wife gets a bit crabby, take for granted that there’s either something you didn’t do or something you can do to make her world a more harmonious place.

I certainly expect you to be solicitous of My happiness and pleasure. When was the last time you asked your wife, “is there something I can do for you”?

A “bitch” is a dominant wife in the making.

Unless you’ve inspired true contempt (in which case, that’s a job for a divorce lawyer or a therapist, not a Mistress), your wife’s “bitching” is likely the natural chafing of the Goddess within against the lack of service and worship to which she instinctively knows she is entitled.

Nurture that attitude in her, rather than resenting it. Here are a few suggestions as to how:

  • Accept correction. When she complains about the way you’ve done something, instead of feeling put out, apologize, and do it the way she told you!
  • If you don’t know what she wants, learn. And then do it without being asked!
  • If she’s frustrated by the full house, arrange things so that she can have time to herself. Is it warm where you are? Create a private oasis for her in the back yard. Flowers are deliverable. Meanwhile, you cook, you clean, you shop, you take care of the offspring. Keep them out of her hair until she’s refreshed. And bring her a cold drink while you’re at it.
  • If it’s not warm where you are, designate a comfy place in the house and run interference between her and anyone who would disturb her.
  • More than anything, leave her alone to enjoy the fruits of your devotion.
  • It’s good psychological conditioning for you to physically practice gestures of submission and appreciation, even if she’s not ready to accept them face to face. Kneel outside the door of her oasis, perhaps practicing prostration or a mantra that reinforces for you who she now.

Physical service for your one day dominant wife

When you’re horny, what do you think about? That’s right, if it’s not spending time with your Femdom phone sex Mistress, it’s putting your penis somewhere, or masturbating.

When was the last time you engaged in some no-reciprocation-sought pussy worship? Or ass worship, if she’s kinky?

If your wife isn’t all that interested in doing anything sexual with you, absorb the sexual humiliation, because chances are you deserve it. Realize you aren’t entitled to sex or orgasms, and seek other ways to serve her. There are tons of massage tutorials available on YouTube, for example. Foot massages are welcome to all women I know.

She may be skeptical at first that you’re offering service without a covert contract attached. Be patient. If you’re the typical male,  you’ve got a long track record of only offering affection in the hopes of getting your penis stimulated. Assure her that you want nothing in return, and chances are, she’ll come around.

Here’s another idea: Run her a bath with her favorite bath salts and some nice candles, if she’s the type who’d enjoy it. Offer to wash her hair or her back, but keep your hands to yourself otherwise. Focus on treating her like a dominant wife, and perhaps she’ll become one.

When/if she catches on . . .

She might eventually ask, “Why are you being so nice?”

If she does, first of all, report that to Me in session so that you can receive some punishment via impact play. Because it means you haven’t been nice enough before.

You may scare her off if you just blurt out that you’re a submissive beta male who longs to grovel at her feet, so instead, just say, “I’ve been thinking lately about how much I treasure you, and I want to make you happy.”

Yes, she might be skeptical at first, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Report that to Me as well, because that means you’ve been a selfish needy little bitch, and she always expects you’ll want something in return for simple kindness. But give it time, reassure her if need be that there are no strings attached, and she will settle in.

And she may just up the ante.

So now your wife openly wants to rule you!


Some of you may find that your wife takes naturally to authority, and is fine with acknowledging you as her submissive. She may not know how to exercise her new and acknowledged power. There are excellent resources you can point her to on this blog and others, like But before she whips out the strapon or buys a chastity cage, she can warm up with little things:

  • If she thinks you’re talking too much, tell her to simply put her fist in your mouth, or as much of it as will fit. I suggested this to a newly-dominant wife who called for advice, and she found it thrilling and empowering! Her husband found it a humiliating. I found it hilarious.
  • Suggest she keeps a log of your behavior, and assigns punishments or rewards accordingly.
  • She can make you a chore list, and as above, assign punishment or rewards based on how well you did.
  • Suggest she choose a nickname for you that immediately tells you she is thinking of how submissive you are.

Soon enough, she will be open to other things!

You haven’t created a monster. You’ve escorted a dominant wife to her rightful place.

Something tells Me that if some of you actually get what you say you’ve always wanted, you’ll call Me to complain that you’ve created a monster. I invite you to remember that this is a sign that many men who claim to be submissive still try to make things about them. If you don’t have to suffer a bit to pay the type of homage your wife desires, then are you really putting her will above your own?

As I said before, you’re allowed and even encouraged to discuss the parameters of your relationship as it develops, including safe words and boundaries. These are important to a healthy D/s relationship. All close, authentic relationships require trust, and that goes in both directions. Let your wife know that she’s welcome to call Me at any time for tips and pointers.

The other side of it not being about you is that your wife simply may not ever want to participate in your submissive life. It’s a good thing you can, therefore, continue to serve Me within the same safe, sane, and consensual boundaries. The bottom line is that she gets to be who she is. All women do, and should be encouraged. Even if, and maybe especially if, you don’t get what you want.

The point is, if you try some of the above, you may just find that you’ve been married to a Mistress all along!