Is your wife open to your submissive nature, but not sure how to indulge you? Not sure if she’s open, but think she could be? If you answered “yes” to either question, you may have a dominant wife in the making!
We all know there are women who will never break out of the socially-ingrained role of the submissive. But some just need the right encouragement.
I’ve got some suggestions for planting seeds that might grow into a full-fledged D/s dynamic. Other suggestions may prepare the soil where such seeds might flourish.
We’re all spending a lot more time at home these days. For some of you, that means a lot more time with your partner. Familiarity can breed contempt, but it can also be an opportunity to get know each other in a new and deeper way!
Maybe change your thinking. Maybe change your behavior. And if this opens her up to ascending the throne, there’s a suggestion or two that won’t tax a neophyte too much, but will definitely put you in your place!
Change the way you think.
First of all, you need to start from the realization that every woman is a Goddess, and therefore, your superior. I am your Mistress, yes, but goddess-hood is spiritual. It dwells in all of Us known as “woman”. Your wife is the vessel of the divine feminine in your home, and therefore is entitled to Goddess worship. Though you get to have safe and sane (subjective, I know) boundaries, you must ask yourself: who are you to question the will or criticize the moods of the Goddess?
I know some of you are thinking, “Well Mistress Rachel, your beauty is what inspires My devotion. My wife doesn’t look like you.”
Subbie, I don’t care if your wife is 400 pounds and bald. All women are superior to you. In fact, if your wife weighs 400 pounds, maybe a good facesitting session is in order, to remind you.
Now then, rather than get your panties in a bunch if your wife gets a bit crabby, take for granted that there’s either something you didn’t do or something you can do to make her world a more harmonious place.
I certainly expect you to be solicitous of My happiness and pleasure. When was the last time you asked your wife, “is there something I can do for you”?
A “bitch” is a dominant wife in the making.
Unless you’ve inspired true contempt (in which case, that’s a job for a divorce lawyer or a therapist, not a Mistress), your wife’s “bitching” is likely the natural chafing of the Goddess within against the lack of service and worship to which she instinctively knows she is entitled.
Nurture that attitude in her, rather than resenting it. Here are a few suggestions as to how:
- Accept correction. When she complains about the way you’ve done something, instead of feeling put out, apologize, and do it the way she told you!
- If you don’t know what she wants, learn. And then do it without being asked!
- If she’s frustrated by the full house, arrange things so that she can have time to herself. Is it warm where you are? Create a private oasis for her in the back yard. Flowers are deliverable. Meanwhile, you cook, you clean, you shop, you take care of the offspring. Keep them out of her hair until she’s refreshed. And bring her a cold drink while you’re at it.
- If it’s not warm where you are, designate a comfy place in the house and run interference between her and anyone who would disturb her.
- More than anything, leave her alone to enjoy the fruits of your devotion.
- It’s good psychological conditioning for you to physically practice gestures of submission and appreciation, even if she’s not ready to accept them face to face. Kneel outside the door of her oasis, perhaps practicing prostration or a mantra that reinforces for you who she now.
Physical service for your one day dominant wife
When you’re horny, what do you think about? That’s right, if it’s not spending time with your Femdom phone sex Mistress, it’s putting your penis somewhere, or masturbating.
When was the last time you engaged in some no-reciprocation-sought pussy worship? Or ass worship, if she’s kinky?
If your wife isn’t all that interested in doing anything sexual with you, absorb the sexual humiliation, because chances are you deserve it. Realize you aren’t entitled to sex or orgasms, and seek other ways to serve her. There are tons of massage tutorials available on YouTube, for example. Foot massages are welcome to all women I know.
She may be skeptical at first that you’re offering service without a covert contract attached. Be patient. If you’re the typical male, you’ve got a long track record of only offering affection in the hopes of getting your penis stimulated. Assure her that you want nothing in return, and chances are, she’ll come around.
Here’s another idea: Run her a bath with her favorite bath salts and some nice candles, if she’s the type who’d enjoy it. Offer to wash her hair or her back, but keep your hands to yourself otherwise. Focus on treating her like a dominant wife, and perhaps she’ll become one.
When/if she catches on . . .
She might eventually ask, “Why are you being so nice?”
If she does, first of all, report that to Me in session so that you can receive some punishment via impact play. Because it means you haven’t been nice enough before.
You may scare her off if you just blurt out that you’re a submissive beta male who longs to grovel at her feet, so instead, just say, “I’ve been thinking lately about how much I treasure you, and I want to make you happy.”
Yes, she might be skeptical at first, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Report that to Me as well, because that means you’ve been a selfish needy little bitch, and she always expects you’ll want something in return for simple kindness. But give it time, reassure her if need be that there are no strings attached, and she will settle in.
And she may just up the ante.
So now your wife openly wants to rule you!
Excellent!
Some of you may find that your wife takes naturally to authority, and is fine with acknowledging you as her submissive. She may not know how to exercise her new and acknowledged power. There are excellent resources you can point her to on this blog and others, like phonesexforcouples.com. But before she whips out the strapon or buys a chastity cage, she can warm up with little things:
- If she thinks you’re talking too much, tell her to simply put her fist in your mouth, or as much of it as will fit. I suggested this to a newly-dominant wife who called for advice, and she found it thrilling and empowering! Her husband found it a humiliating. I found it hilarious.
- Suggest she keeps a log of your behavior, and assigns punishments or rewards accordingly.
- She can make you a chore list, and as above, assign punishment or rewards based on how well you did.
- Suggest she choose a nickname for you that immediately tells you she is thinking of how submissive you are.
Soon enough, she will be open to other things!
You haven’t created a monster. You’ve escorted a dominant wife to her rightful place.
Something tells Me that if some of you actually get what you say you’ve always wanted, you’ll call Me to complain that you’ve created a monster. I invite you to remember that this is a sign that many men who claim to be submissive still try to make things about them. If you don’t have to suffer a bit to pay the type of homage your wife desires, then are you really putting her will above your own?
As I said before, you’re allowed and even encouraged to discuss the parameters of your relationship as it develops, including safe words and boundaries. These are important to a healthy D/s relationship. All close, authentic relationships require trust, and that goes in both directions. Let your wife know that she’s welcome to call Me at any time for tips and pointers.
The other side of it not being about you is that your wife simply may not ever want to participate in your submissive life. It’s a good thing you can, therefore, continue to serve Me within the same safe, sane, and consensual boundaries. The bottom line is that she gets to be who she is. All women do, and should be encouraged. Even if, and maybe especially if, you don’t get what you want.
The point is, if you try some of the above, you may just find that you’ve been married to a Mistress all along!
While i have been practicing many of the ideas and suggestions in your blog…I have not seen them all laid out so well before!
With my wife, I’ve taken over the chores, I’ve striven to never criticize and anticipate Her needs and to NEVER expect or even request sex, as i am inadequate as a man
I understand that ALL women are indeed Superior, They are in whole or in part, ALL Goddesses in their own right. But, having said that ….not every woman wants the same things from Her subbie.
What a male submissive wants or hopes for is secondary…. at best……I believe the key, for a subbie like me, is to abandon my own kinky ideals of what “I” want or expect in serving a Woman and Goddess…..Instead my place is to serve Her as much, or as little, as She desires…..and in the ways and manners SHE wishes….To be truly unselfish my service and submission is what i aspire to be
Thank you for the wonderful guide….and if i may say so, the truly inspiring and divine photograph! It is indeed worthy of worship!
What an excellent testimonial, princess!
You really understand both the spirit and the letter of the law!
And you are free to worship the photo, as long as you control all male impulses while you do! *wink*
thank yo Mistress Rachel…on all counts
Reading this, I was struck with the image of a couple renewing their vows but with different wording emphasizing the male’s natural subservience.
A roleplay I’ve enjoyed many times in session, pupslave. Though usually it’s admittedly within the context of cuckolding.
I’ve never been married nor had girlfriends because I like to dress up in women’s clothes. With family always calling/using my being single against me. Just decided it’s not worth the stress or drama. I do have have married friend who’s measured/fitted me in her old bras/has me buying/wearing dresses/blouses/leggings/makeup/lipstick/nylons/heels/wigs/breast forms along with using same facial lotions creams she uses along with perfumes mixed with lotions on my cheeks. Only because I came out of closet with her is why this is happening. I’m fine with this. Besides at my age most women are married with kids and I’m not and girls I know that are single are to young for me. I’ve been calling Ms Erika/Ms Daphne as they’ve taken control over my orgasms/feminization. Our calls are on Skype as they can see me dressed/madeup in lipstick/wigs. By doing this is it even worth trying to find girlfriends which I’ve had no luck whatsoever?
This is a great piece Mistress Rachel. I can identify with some of this being in a non traditional marriage where my wife and I have roles that are more equal and on my end less than the traditional husband. We split the chores around the house, she for most of our marriage has made more than I have and sex is typically initiated by her.
She is aware of my metrosexual tendencies and submissive nature. She has engaged in some toy play and light bondage where she’s in charge. I’ve taken it about as far as I can on that end as there are certain things such as strap on and Cuckolding that she’s rejected. Also she is unaware of me being a sissy or homosexual desires.
It’s all about balance and communication recognizing that your partner is their own person. You can’t force your fantasies on them if they don’t desire to take on that type of role. It has to be something that works for all otherwise it doesn’t work.
Thank you for taking the time to read, Stephanie! How characteristic of your passionate yet sensible engagement with your kink is your last paragraph. And how much I admire the fact that there is full disclosure and mutual acceptance in your marriage!
Thankyou for this piece Mistress. It made very excited and has inspired me to continue my efforts to be as thoughtful of my wife’s needs, and not worry about mine in the bedroom (and outside of it too when possible)
How wonderful to hear!
Thank you for reading, peter!
I don´t have a wife, but would love a Dominant wife…Being a real bitch to me! 🙂 Instead, my submissive nature has led me to a life of serving and worshipping women in general, as much as possible…Accepting all women as my superior and always putting them above myself. Just letting women use me for anything they want to be more comfortable…And always living my the motto Ladies First. Calling women Ma´am, opening doors, offer to carry bags, give up my seat, let them go ahead of me in line, offer to pay, use my umbrella while i get wet, help with anything they might need help with, etc…In general letting women step on me to get ahead. And it´s a big part of the thrill that i don´t get what i want, like you say…Everything is about them and i´m just their humble servant.
It´s very fulfilling every time a woman accepts my help, lets me take care of her bags, or gladly walks ahead of me in line with a smile, showing her time is worth more than mine…But almost more exciting if she doesn´t show the least gratitude. Like the time i held a door for a (very sexy) woman and politely said “After you, Ma´am!” and she just walked right past me, like i didn´t even exist…It made me gasp and i just looked at her big ass when i walked behind her and thought “You could sit on my ugly face anytime you want, Princess…You know you´re way too good for me!”
Awwww. What a good boy!
Dear Miss Rachel, Do you often advise ladies to put a fist in their husband’s mouth if he talks too much? It’s a very devious technique and I can see why you found this case ‘hilarious’, the wife found it ’empowering’, and the husband found it ‘humiliating’. After all, if a wife does that to her husband, he is likely to shut up! He’s not likely going to risk getting a real punch in the mouth from his wife. And so, he obeys and she feels empowered. And imagine if she tells him to shut up when they have friends visiting their home. Again, he’s likely to do as he’s told and feel even more embarrassed, whilst she knows that she now is definitely the one who wears the pants in the relationship. You’re a very crafty lady giving such advice, Miss Rachel!!
Why thank you, Michael! As I think I noted in the post, the wife in question is a petite little spinner, and so had small fists. I’d say any wife whose fist fits easily into Her husband’s mouth (I think the message is most effective when the fist can be completely engulfed by the miscreant mouth) can use this tactic! *giggle*
And funny you should mention a wife telling her husband to shut up in front of guests . . . I just published a blog post on Our CuckoldBootCamp.com site all about how to tell your friends and loved ones about your cuckold relationship. I guess if the advice had been how to tell your friends and loved ones who wears the pants in the family, a sharp “shut up” is one way to do it! *giggle*
Yes, Miss Rachel, I see your point that wives with small hands can use this tactic (fist in the mouth) most effectively on their husbands. He is completely unable to speak in that situation, so once the wife has done this to him once, she only has to make a fist in his direction and he will voluntarily shut up or else be physically silenced!! Now I’m going to shut up before you put your fist in my mouth (LOL!!).
*giggle* So glad the imagery inspired you!
Yes, Miss Rachel, I am so inspired (or overawed!) that I make a serious effort not to talk too much. Otherwise you might put your fist in my mouth!!
Miss Rachel, Glad that I could give you a few ‘giggles’ with the ‘fist-in-mouth’ posts. If Ms Hunter (my mistress) reads this blog, i’m sure she’ll have a few giggles, too, and I might soon be feeling her fist in my mouth!