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Kink Stereotypes: Do You Fit or Defy?

Hello, Horny Readers!  I was thinking today about stereotypes, specifically kink stereotypes:  qualities or behaviors often associated with a certain demographic with regard to kinky sex, or about a person with a certain kink.  As with any other form of stereotype, kink stereotypes can be based in “truth”, but W/e should always be sure to understand that what is considered “truth” is often derived from anecdotal evidence, which doesn’t constitute proof.  W/e can go wrong when W/e make assumptions based upon stereotypes, kink stereotypes or not.  Pondering all of this made Me wonder about all of you:  Do you fit one or more kink stereotype?  Do you defy one or more?

Here’s an example of one of the kink stereotypes that’s in the back of My mind when the situation arises: The idea that Northern Europeans, on average, are more depraved in their sexual tastes than other people. Yes, when I meet someone from Germany, the Netherlands, Finland, Sweden, or Denmark, especially in the context of kink play, the first thing that goes through My mind is “Yay!  An accent!“.  The second thought is often, “Uh oh Miss Rachel, hold on to your hat!  I bet they’re into something really taboo!”kink

I won’t lie:  A good portion of the Northern Europeans I’ve played with both on and off the phone have been really, really kinky. Into things, or into taking things to an extreme that most of My other playmates aren’t. Just the same, I recognize that this is probably confirmation bias, and that there are exceptions to every rule.  I’m careful, therefore, not to act on the assumptions it might be tempting to make when I hear a tell-tale accent and confirm its origins to be one of the aforementioned places.  I’d hate to alienate a little Swiss-Miss sissy by busting out My own most taboo tastes, only to find out that really, s/he just wants a dominant Mistress gal pal to give he/r a makeover!

Speaking of sissies, I think their stereotype as being bimbo cock whores is another good example.  I mean, there are sissies, and maybe even a large number of them, who love the cock.  But while I love a good sissy cock slut, I also take pains not to assume that every sissy will be into Real Men, even if s/he likes to suck on he/r dildo or play with he/r ass-pussy.  Come to think of it, lately I’ve talked to a lot of gurls who love the clothes and makeup and being submissive, but aren’t into ass play at all!  I try to make sure there’s plenty of room in My imagination for these gurls.

The last kink stereotype I’ll touch on concerns race, specifically Big Black Cock play.  I take pains never to assume:

  • that when a white submissive is bi-curious or bisexual or craves the cock, it’s because s/he has a small one or is automatically interested in BBC, and
  • that Black males automatically have to be Alpha, even if they’re hung.

Don’t get Me wrong, I enjoy BBC games and roleplay and storytelling, but I don’t assume that the race of the participants automatically determine their roles in it.  I’d never want to alienate someone by consigning them to a particular role in O/ur play together, so I don’t assume anything about who’s on the other end of the line, and instead ask questions about who they see in their fantasies, or how they see themselves.

Readers, have you ever experienced, whether in the context of femdom phone sex or real-world play, that someone made assumptions about you or about your kink?  Even if you haven’t experienced it, have you ever worried that this might happen, and wondered how to communicate about it?

Please feel free to share your thoughts with Me either in private, or below in the comments section!



18 comments to Kink Stereotypes: Do You Fit or Defy?

  • cuckie

    Hmmmm…..While I’m from the USA, My heritage is northern European!So maybe that explains a lot about my kinkiness lol! As a sissy, i am very much interested in cocks, but I think the interracial aspect of sex….be it cuckold or sissy or both…is a bit over emphasized. A Dom is Dom and a Big Cock is a Big Cock…..whatever the race. I know that race is fetish for some, and It’s cool if say, Asian women turn you on…or Black men. I just think, for me, it should be mostly about your compatibility with the person regardless of their skin color.

  • Miss Rachel this Little Sissy Bimbo just Loves BIG Alpha Male Cocks!Nothing like have an BIG, Thick & Throbbing Alpha Male Cock stuffed deep down my Little Sissy Bimbo Throat gagging me as his BIG Alpha Male Balls are bouncing off of my Little Sissy Bimbo Chin!~BIG Sissy Grinz!~ 🙂

    Then there are also the smaller cocks of the many men I meet in the Adult Book Stores in the Movie Booths while on my Sissy Bimbo Knees!They are great as well!Nothing like getting my Pretty Little Lipstick wearing Sissy Bimbo Mouth stuffed with lots of cocks, not to mention all of the Yummy warm & creamy cum I Love to swallow as an reward for a job (blow job that is!) well done!

    • Rachel

      So are you saying the little cocks are good for an appetizer (after all, you can make a meal out of appetizers sometimes *giggle*) that tide you over for the real throat and belly-fillers?

  • maid steph

    I would say I am a very submissive, girlie sissy in that I love the clothes and makeup but have no interest in having my ass filled with real c*** but am happy to be taken by Ms and/or gf with a strap on

  • Amazing post, Ms. Rachel! Sometimes our assumptions can really be off base completely. Not only do we have to try not to assume things about our callers, but it would be nice for them to show the same consideration. I’m sure it’s hard to remember that just because we’re mistresses, we may not be into ultra kink either.

    • Rachel

      Thanks for visiting, Miss Lena! Yes, stereotypes leading to assumptions can affect either side of the D/s dynamic, for sure! I can be into some ultra-kink though, lest any ultra kinksters get the wrong idea! I guess it depends on what people consider ultra kink, huh?

  • Petey cream puff

    I agree with Steph! That’s what I’m looking for. I have no interest whatsoever to go to bars/clubs/gyms for that matter. At my age I’m too old for that as all that I mentioned are geared toward the 21-25 ages. Most is not all women my age are married/have kids/family. It sucks but there’s nothing I can do as ldw is only way my fantasies can come true.

  • May as well comment from a perverts point of view which I am. I used to have an aroma fetish smelling the armpits of t-shirts but not clandestinely. I would demand a shirt from my subs as long as they had “the scent”. Not all were acceptable. This goes back to the fact that we are animals and sniff out the most fit mate. Now I just enjoy strap ons and ball busting. I have evolved!

    • Rachel

      Wow! That does really kind of turn an assumption some people might make about what it means to be a Domme on its head. I think lots of people would think of it the other way around, a subbie having a kink for the smell of various tender parts of their Dominant! That really IS kinky, Miss Cassandra, and to be honest with you, I’m kind of bummed that you grew out of it (though I share your fondness for the newer tastes you’ve developed).

  • Honestly BBC is a pet peeve of mine. I have trouble seeing it as anything other than the sexual objectification of a skin color, as in he’s good for a cock and that’s all he really is.

    Unfortunately a lot of the BBC porn out there confirms that often is the case. A white woman with a successful white husband she humiliates by fucking a stereotypical big black cock from the hood.

    Not all of it is that way, but a lot of it is.

    And that’s just my perception of it, that doesn’t mean everyone sees it that way. A very intelligent sex worker once gave me an explanation that isn’t that way, I won’t go into details but it did shed some new light onto the scenario. Kind of like during the 1984 olympics, I kept rooting against Germany because I was trying to prove to myself that I was not the horrible things that my ancestors had done in the late 30s and 40s, and rooting for others to beat them somehow made me feel better.

    But a lot of BBC I just don’t particularly like and personally I prefer to avoid it. When I’m in cuckold mode, the skin color of the bull doesn’t make a bit of difference to me or my enjoyment of the kink. But I can’t know the motives of those who do enjoy it, and while it is easier to say than do, I hope to not judge someone because of my stereotypical view of what BBC is. It very well could be something completely different for them. Besides, it’s like a very wise man from Palestine once said – let he who is without sin cast the first stone. There’s never anyone left to then cast any, we all are guilty of something.

    But anyway, now that’s off my chest – on to sissies.

    There is a perception out there as you suggest that sissies are cock whores who love to slurp the cum and for those who are, more power to them.

    For me, when I have sissy fantasies the motive is a bit different. I can’t be a sissy without a Mistress to make me one because I have no desire to be one, but I do have a desire for a Mistress to make me one. Not because I’m weak or not a “real” man, but because it entertains her to make me one and I get a real sexual rush out of a dominant woman molding me to be what she wants me to be.

    Rachel, I have this fantasy where we know each other, and you know I’m submissive and I know you are dominant, but I can’t approach you to be my Mistress because I want more than that, and you know I want more than that. But not only do you already have a boyfriend, I’ve met him and can’t find anything wrong with him, in fact I think he’s a great guy, so it would break my ethical code to try to get from you the more that I want. So I find myself another Mistress.

    But unknown to me, you want me. Not in the more way I want you, but you want me, as a sissy.

    So you aquire me from the other Mistress because you go after what you want.

    And then once you have me, part of the routine to make I understand exactly what my place is – well, you posted a gif on Tumblr a few days ago with a slave worshiping one foot while the other foot is stepping on his back. That kind of thing is part of the routine.

    The other part involves getting all dolled to worship your boyfriends cock. I have kneel in front of him, kissing and licking just the head while I look up at his eyes with longing, waiting for his approval to take it in, approval he gives by putting his hand on my head signaling me to start.

    It isn’t about being a cock-sucking bimbo, it’s about the power exchange of being under your authority and demonstrating my willingness to accept and embrace the role you have for me in the dynamic.

    It’s a very fun fantasy, but I don’t know that I could actually live it, but it is fucking fun in the fantasy world.

    I hope I didn’t write too much.

    Alice Wonder

    Oh and for the record, the color of skin of your boyfriend doesn’t matter, and he’s your lover and a very good man – not just 8 inches of pleasure. That’s important to me in these fantasies.

    • I forgot to note, one of the aspects of the fantasy is that you enjoy having a sub that craves so much more with you yet is willing to accept and embrace his place knowing that he will get affection but never what he really craves. Long term denial doesn’t have to just be about physical release 😉

    • Rachel

      Hi Alice! I understand and somewhat agree with your take on BBC fantasies. The way I deal with My concerns about it are that the Black male needs to be acknowledged as a whole person, and not just as a cock. He is a King, not a dumb, big-dicked animal. And I will not tolerate the N-word.

      And I love the fantasy you described, but I think I would end up using you in other ways. 😉

  • Love this post, Ms. Rachel. Yes, there is an abundance of stereotypes prevalent in the world of kink. One popular stereotype that I absolutely abhore is the idea that a Mistress should be decked out in black leather, and should be yelling obscenities at her slave in order to get him to submit. While that image certainly has it’s uses, I have personally enjoyed very intense sessions wearing just a pair of white, cotton panties and t-shirt…and I was laughing and smiling and speaking softly the entire time. One of the joys of being kinky is variety, and stereotypes are just counter productive 🙂

    • Rachel

      Agreed, Miss Sierra! I’m not necessarily bothered by the leather-clad-shouter stereotype unless someone posits that I can’t be a “real Domme” unless I adhere to it. THEN I get annoyed. lol

  • 5711

    Way to many stereotypes in life in general as a submissive I consider myself
    Like a good chef you must try everything on the menu and support everyone
    Else’s views one of the reasons I am looking forward to setting up our 2 mistress call with Ms Sierra even if it scares me but excites me as well

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