Hello, Horny Readers! I was thinking today about stereotypes, specifically kink stereotypes: qualities or behaviors often associated with a certain demographic with regard to kinky sex, or about a person with a certain kink. As with any other form of stereotype, kink stereotypes can be based in “truth”, but W/e should always be sure to understand that what is considered “truth” is often derived from anecdotal evidence, which doesn’t constitute proof. W/e can go wrong when W/e make assumptions based upon stereotypes, kink stereotypes or not. Pondering all of this made Me wonder about all of you: Do you fit one or more kink stereotype? Do you defy one or more?
Here’s an example of one of the kink stereotypes that’s in the back of My mind when the situation arises: The idea that Northern Europeans, on average, are more depraved in their sexual tastes than other people. Yes, when I meet someone from Germany, the Netherlands, Finland, Sweden, or Denmark, especially in the context of kink play, the first thing that goes through My mind is “Yay! An accent!”. The second thought is often, “Uh oh Miss Rachel, hold on to your hat! I bet they’re into something really taboo!”
I won’t lie: A good portion of the Northern Europeans I’ve played with both on and off the phone have been really, really kinky. Into things, or into taking things to an extreme that most of My other playmates aren’t. Just the same, I recognize that this is probably confirmation bias, and that there are exceptions to every rule. I’m careful, therefore, not to act on the assumptions it might be tempting to make when I hear a tell-tale accent and confirm its origins to be one of the aforementioned places. I’d hate to alienate a little Swiss-Miss sissy by busting out My own most taboo tastes, only to find out that really, s/he just wants a dominant Mistress gal pal to give he/r a makeover!
Speaking of sissies, I think their stereotype as being bimbo cock whores is another good example. I mean, there are sissies, and maybe even a large number of them, who love the cock. But while I love a good sissy cock slut, I also take pains not to assume that every sissy will be into Real Men, even if s/he likes to suck on he/r dildo or play with he/r ass-pussy. Come to think of it, lately I’ve talked to a lot of gurls who love the clothes and makeup and being submissive, but aren’t into ass play at all! I try to make sure there’s plenty of room in My imagination for these gurls.
The last kink stereotype I’ll touch on concerns race, specifically Big Black Cock play. I take pains never to assume:
- that when a white submissive is bi-curious or bisexual or craves the cock, it’s because s/he has a small one or is automatically interested in BBC, and
- that Black males automatically have to be Alpha, even if they’re hung.
Don’t get Me wrong, I enjoy BBC games and roleplay and storytelling, but I don’t assume that the race of the participants automatically determine their roles in it. I’d never want to alienate someone by consigning them to a particular role in O/ur play together, so I don’t assume anything about who’s on the other end of the line, and instead ask questions about who they see in their fantasies, or how they see themselves.
Readers, have you ever experienced, whether in the context of femdom phone sex or real-world play, that someone made assumptions about you or about your kink? Even if you haven’t experienced it, have you ever worried that this might happen, and wondered how to communicate about it?
Please feel free to share your thoughts with Me either in private, or below in the comments section!