Hello, Horny Readers! Here’s another field report from My Femdom phone sex experiences that promises to edify all to whom the lesson applies! It concerns a boy who called all hot and bothered from looking at My photos and listening to My audios. His penis, if you could call it that, was nice and stiff, and his breathing erratic, as soon as I said “hello”. Before I understood that he needed a dose of sph reality, he asked Me to describe how he and I would get it on in the flesh.

Whoa, cockstroker. Not so fast.

First of all, as many of you know, I don’t do GFE sessions (see the FAQ). Aside from My boyfriend and no matter how big your cock is, I am a domme to all comers (or, as they hope, “cummers”). The assumption, therefore, that there exists a universe or dimension in which W/e would “get it on” was noisome in and of itself.

Sometimes I’ll humor a boy, such as in certain guided masturbation sessions, but I prefer to have measurements. If a boy is undersized and doesn’t want to be humiliated for it, it’s best that he lie, because I won’t.

In this case, My femdomme spidey senses were tingling, and I knew it was more important than ever to confirm.

“So you’d like to fuck Me, huh?” I asked in a sultry whisper.

Yes, Goddess.  Oh yes.

“Mmmmm. Well I like to fuck. But I’m a size queen. Can you measure up?”

Queue lots of hemming and hawing, followed by, Well how much do you need?

“That,” I advised him, “depends largely on what you hope for.”

I might interact sexually with an SPH pet, but probably not the way he hopes.

Well, I coerced him into revealing the vital statistics, and knocked off half an inch as I always do; Boys tend to lie about four things:

  • Their height
  • How much money they make
  • How tall they are
  • The size of what’s between their legs

That left him with a sad, sph -worthy 5 inches. A chode, but 5 inches nonetheless.

“I’m so terribly sorry,” I told him, My words dripping with saccharine, “but I would never allow something that small anywhere near My pussy. It kind of turns Me off just to look at it, so I might not even be able to get wet even if I was willing to fuck it.  Which I’m not.”

He was willing to take anything he could get, as boys like him are wont to do. A saltine cracker is a feast to a starving man, after all.

And he did buy Me something nice from My wish list.

He also begged so nicely for any morsel of physical contact I might be inclined to make with his unfortunate little wiggly worm that My innate magnanimity simply spilled over. *giggle*

It was too fat to fit in between My first and second toes, and anyway he couldn’t promise that he would refrain from getting his icky chode cream on My instep. So, I settled on a hand job.

While wearing one of those thick, yellow latex kitchen gloves.  *bright smile*

I would also have to avert My eyes, but he would be allowed to look at My cleavage.

As an sph slut, that was all he needed to hear before he came to a noisy climax at the other end of the line.

You know better, sph slut.

But hope springs eternal, and the libido of a man makes him foolhardy sometimes, so I don’t mind outlining the parameters for those who need to know.

I try to be kind, I try to be generous, but I insist that you be realistic. After all, if I were going by the letter of the law of the Femdomme universe, every one of you under 6 thick inches would be locked in chastity.

Despite My naturally kind, generous and understanding nature, you must always account for the x-factor: Mistress’ whim. If I’m feeling crabby, I might not even let you masturbate, much less have any contact with you Myself.

But if I am so inclined, be grateful, not delusional, for what ever sexual attention you might get!

Are you curious about what you might get if the stars align, pigs fly, you need a parka in Hades, and Mistress is feeling particularly kind? Well whip out your measuring tape, knock off half an inch on principal (some of you will cram the metal end so hard into your pelvic flesh it will leave a permanent mark), and listen in below!  #MeanMistress #Cruel2bKind


Miss Rachel, apprising you of sph reality, always!